Mr. Bob Dylan
Address Redacted
Dear Mr. Dylan —
I hope this letter finds you, as you are something of a recluse!. As you are surely aware, the music industry, like the times, has changed, and, in fact, is always a-changing. Much of the lyrical content today is simpler, angrier and more repetitive. Far be it from us to edit the classics for marketplace reasons, but we wonder if you might take it upon yourself to update some of your work to accommodate today’s audience. We feel certain we will at least double sales in this way, especially because we plan to commit significant marketing dollars to your “re-imagining” of selected classics. Here are some samples we had AI put together simply to demonstrate how you might rework your words. As you can see, minimal changes can have a significant effect in the process of bringing to your catalog a more contemporary sensibility. Also, note that you needn’t go back in the studio to re-record. We can recreate your younger voice to sing anything.Sample 1:
How many roads must a man walk down
before you can call him a man
How many, I say HOW MANY!
how many roads, bitch!
I need a number, goddamnit!
Sample 2:
It ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe
if’n you don’t know by now
And it ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe
You annoying, snoring sow
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Look out your window and I’ll be gone
You’re the reason I’m a-traveling on
But don’t think twice, bitch
We look forward to hearing your thoughts, Mr. Dylan
Sincerely
Vance Labrador
Streaming Catalog Manager
Reimaginary Records